Fear and the Mother Lion

A colleague of mine just called the other day, she had received a call from an angry mother of one of her many teenage clients. Apparently, the mother was mad at this counselor for siding with her daughter. The mother left a fairly scathing message. This happens, I assured her, even to me. I have been working with parents of teens for over 10 years now . These calls usually come down to "fear" and I suggested this to my colleague, whom I know to be very professional. I reminded her that she and I and all parents may be more afraid than ever as American parents. Since 9/11 fear levels have soared in America. Combine this with increased financial stressors on most families, and overwhelming schedules, you may just get an angry parent from time to time. As therapists, we have to check ourselves, but often times for myself, when I understand this fear level and respond to that, parents and I communicate better. I am always on the side of the child's family and see the parents as the leaders and models in that family. This doesn't mean I don't say from time to time, "OK, lets say you do have the worst parents in the world, what can you do about it...how can you become the best you, despite or because of your parents." Not to be repetitive, but I am looking for a little self responsibility. A beginning of figuring oneself out, not just being a product of. It can be scary as parents to watch our children to begin to define with out us. As a parent, I feel it too. My mother lion still want to roar at any and all perceived threat or danger. I try to take two steps back and wait before I pounce, usually it's less threatening than I originally thought. My kid is just growing up, with new and different thoughts from me, some I even like better, some worse...well, I guess we are both growing up together.