How to let them figure it out and why?

While raising young children, the earlier parenting style can be so directive. EG "Do this.. or Do it that way...or Over here...Now." It can become very easy to continue this into the pre-teen and teen years. And let's face it, they almost demand it by being so forgetful. At some magical point most parents seem to either get tired out or become excited to let them take it on for themselves. Most of us really don't want to be doing the wash of our 25 yr old child, or reminding them to pay their bills...we really want to meet our responsible adult child. So, how do we get them there, and best help them through all the troubles they'll face on the way?

In my work with so many families I have found that changing into a "curious coach" is the most user friendly posture for parents. The best way to describe this is to give some examples. When they call for advice about what to do about something, instead of solving the problem (and let's face it, we have years of experience on them, most of their stuff is easy for us) instead ask them, "Well, what were you thinking you should do? or What have you tried? or Have you been in a similar situations before, what did you do then?" Basically, get them working, instead of you. You can still have empathy, like "Wow, that does sound like a mess or ask them "How would you like me to help you figure it out for yourself?" Start putting the problems back on them. After all, you don't really need any more, right? Be a support by asking, "How did that come out for you?, Way to go., or I don't know if I would of thought of that., or I know you can handle this, let me know how it works out."

Any other, ideas out there, all us parents need your help.