Fear and the Mother Lion

A colleague of mine just called the other day, she had received a call from an angry mother of one of her many teenage clients. Apparently, the mother was mad at this counselor for siding with her daughter. The mother left a fairly scathing message. This happens, I assured her, even to me. I have been working with parents of teens for over 10 years now . These calls usually come down to "fear" and I suggested this to my colleague, whom I know to be very professional. I reminded her that she and I and all parents may be more afraid than ever as American parents. Since 9/11 fear levels have soared in America. Combine this with increased financial stressors on most families, and overwhelming schedules, you may just get an angry parent from time to time. As therapists, we have to check ourselves, but often times for myself, when I understand this fear level and respond to that, parents and I communicate better. I am always on the side of the child's family and see the parents as the leaders and models in that family. This doesn't mean I don't say from time to time, "OK, lets say you do have the worst parents in the world, what can you do about it...how can you become the best you, despite or because of your parents." Not to be repetitive, but I am looking for a little self responsibility. A beginning of figuring oneself out, not just being a product of. It can be scary as parents to watch our children to begin to define with out us. As a parent, I feel it too. My mother lion still want to roar at any and all perceived threat or danger. I try to take two steps back and wait before I pounce, usually it's less threatening than I originally thought. My kid is just growing up, with new and different thoughts from me, some I even like better, some worse...well, I guess we are both growing up together.

Dinosaur Parents Discover Summer Fun

Breath...seriously, take a deep breath...If you're parenting a teenager or young adult today you need to take a deep breath, maybe 2 or 3 every few minutes while they're around. It's a stressful time, and many of us parents feel like we're dinosaurs in awe of their technological advances.

My 8 year old understands and works my new digital camera, navigates my cell phone and loads programs into our family computer better than me. It's not just us parents who are stressed, listen to these alarming figures:

* The average teenager views 40,000 commercials a year, and companies are marketing to shape new consumers from infancy.

* 1/3 of American children suffer stress related symptoms.

* 1/2 of adolescents report trouble sleeping and

* 1/2 of college students are so overwhelmed they report difficulty functioning.

All this multitasking, overachieving, and fast paced lives may just be stressing us all out. Relax more with your kids, model a stress free life or at least healthy coping skills to manage stress. Get outside! Recent research tells us that open green spaces decrease stress levels. Make a list of fun summer outdoor activities and get you and your family out.

I love my cell phone, TV and computer as much as the next person, and I don't think they're the 'root of all evil', but I do think we need a balanced tech diet. Set a good example by turning off some of this technology and getting out and living a little this summer. Our family posted a list of fun summer things to do in one day. To add a dash of irony, I posted them on our family computer screen. Here are the top 3. #1 Rock Climbing at our local sporting store. #2 Miniature Golf. #3 Picnic at our favorite beach at sunset.

Should Parents Text ?

Annette & I attended a great conference last week on “Educating the Whole Child.” It focused on the changing needs of our academic structures to meet the challenges of growing up healthy in 2008. The presenters made some interesting points we parents should consider. They talked about the fact that our children are being taught for tests while the drop out rate soars, even among our brightest. Perhaps our schools have not kept up with the rapidly changing technology scene and its effects on our youth. And then I had to ask myself if as a parent, I have done any better. I joke about my ineptness at handling anything more than my cell phone and have only texted my children less than a dozen times, even though that seems to be their chosen mode of communication. So, like academia, I seem to be standing my ground and refusing to adapt to this ever changing tech frontier. One of the speakers even called herself a “text twit.” We all knowingly laughed but shouldn’t we also be a bit uncomfortable with our apparent lack of expertise?

We Have a YouTube Channel

Now you can get tips and advice on parenting in a video format. We have just created a YouTube channel, Parents911, that has clips from some of our best presentations. Make sure to check it out and let us know what you think! http://www.youtube.com/user/Parents911

Mom, Can I go to an all-Weekend Party?

Our 16 year old son came home last Friday with an invitation to attend a party from a girl in his class whose name I had heard before. What was a shocker to me was that the invitation was for both Friday & Saturday. In other words, it was an overnight party for a mixed group of kids. After I got over my initial speechlessness, I was unsuccessful at getting any real additional information from him. So, I simply said “no”. He & I then discussed the unfairness of life for 10 – 15 minutes which ended with him leaving the room apparently frustrated with me as a mother. I tried to explain that nothing good could come out of an overnight party of 16 year old guys & girls. He accused me of a lack of trust. I blocked him with some well placed info on brain development, stating that it was not him I did not trust, it was the collection of inactive prefrontal cortexes & overactive amygdalas. That did not sit well, either. He stayed mad at me for the rest of that evening. And, he did end up going to the party but we picked him up at midnight. (Somebody’s mom & dad owe us big!)